Friendships are hard to maintain in Sierra Leone because this is a low trust environment. And finding kin with shared values (from their own upbringing) is hard.
Most of people with power/wealth don’t have good values, and let’s be honest the poor/powerless aren’t steeped in it either.
One of the biggest assumptions that you make upon moving back from the diaspora is that others who move back who share that away and return experience have the same values as you. At least so I naively believed when I came here in 2007 fresh from undergrad.
Several experiences with “friends” that I acquired during that period taught me that values have nothing to do with accents, and overseas upbringing.
So many years later I believe that your childhood friends of same class and upbringing are probably where your friendship will thrive the most. The friends you grew up with, the ones who know your parents, the ones who your parents know and allowed you to mix with. Those are the ones with whom you’ll be able to have the most successful friendships.
Unlucky for me, I left Sierra Leone at age the of 10. My one friend from childhood/school here lives in Ghana now. When we moved to Addis Ababa in 1994 perhaps the biggest loss was childhood friends. I forgot many of my childhood friends and those I remember are worlds, experiences, and definitely values apart.
The one truly special friend I did have from Ethiopia that was Sierra Leonean, the one I could honestly say was my friend of a lifetime died suddenly in January 2018.
So in Sierra Leone I don’t have old friends. My 3 friends are from the last decade. There is trust and love and kindness but there is also lots of space and room, we keep a fine balance and the friendships have become partnerships, strategic ones.
Which brings me to what I feel is truly important here to thrive beyond local friendships.
Instead of friendships I cultivate strategic partnerships and relationships. People who can rely on me and count on my support and expertise and those on whom I can count on for the same.
Yesterday I reached out to the owners of the only paint company that is made in Sierra Leone to get paint for my office building. It wasn’t even a call. Just an sms. I specified the volume and the quantity. And there was paint. The owner is not my friend but we have a strategic partnership.
In Sierra Leone my relationships and roots are strong. I can get a lot of things just by making a request but I almost rarely do because the key to maintaining partnerships is balance.
People miss that too here locally. It is common for individuals to abuse relationships by causing stress to the balance. But I know better.
So excited for the next phase of the building. This project is maybe the most important thing I’ve ever done after giving birth to Olu. Ha! So technically this building Na Olu im small sister
Me, my paint, standing in front of Olu im small sister aka my office building under construction
