The evil god of envy may strike at any time but you need not be at his mercy. Like any bad habit, you have to do the work to rise above. Envy is a natural human emotion, but you do not have to succumb to it. This post isn’t meant to shade anyone, rather it is for those who know they struggle with feelings of envy towards other women and recognize that it is not how they strive to be.

There was a time when I was 16 or so that the god of envy would strike me quite often. When he did strike it was often around something superficial. In high school the light-skinned racially ambiguous pretty girls with long hair used to make me feel unwanted (well not really, it was not them but boys). The boys seemed particularly interested in only the features that I did not possess and so they didn’t want me. While I didn’t fancy any of the boys I still somehow craved their attention. They didn’t want me so from time to time I was envious of the girls that they did want.

Today light skinned women, tall women, dark women, fine women, exotic women, big booty small hips women, good hair women, small nose women, six pack ab women, video vixen women, instagram women, famous women, women with men, women with nice cars, women with better houses, women with more money, fame, hits to their websites, and even women who have everything that I am currently working towards none of these women make me feel envious. Not a single one. It doesn’t matter what another woman has, or the quantity or volume to which she has it; that doesn’t make me feel envy. The evil god of envy doesn’t even know where I live let alone for him to come and strike me.

The difference between who I was then and how I am now is not just a question of age because I know women older than me who struggle with feelings of envy. Heck they don’t struggle. Them and the god of envy are kissing cousins. Anywhere you see them, the god of envy too you will find.

I am no longer prone to envy because I’m living a life of purpose. What does it mean to live a life of purpose? It means that on any given day, your  life is full of passion, and drive for the things you want to accomplish. While you’re aware of all the beautiful, blessed, and highly favored women both in and around your community, what they are doing or how,  doesn’t factor at all into your life because only you matter with regards to your purpose.

How do you find your purpose?

Like most things it requires self exploration, deep thought, and questioning. Listen to your parents, listen to your friends but to discover your purpose you have to hear yourself above all of the other voices in your life.

Your parents will tell you what they want you to do that will guarantee financial independence, and stability. Your friends will tell you to do things that almost always validates them and what they are doing. Finding your purpose isn’t about your job or profession although it can be connected to it.

Your purpose is your reason for being. Why do you think that you’re on this earth? What do you want to accomplish when all's said and done? What legacy do you want to leave behind? When people speak of you what do you hope they will say? All things being equal what would you be doing with your life if money wasn’t a factor? Answering questions like these and pushing yourself to answer them as truthfully as possible will put you on a path of self discovery, and exploration. This is not to say that once you find your purpose you’re finished and that’s all the work to be done but it’s the first step towards defeating the powers of envy in your life.

A woman who knows her purpose is so consumed and driven by it that she isn’t threatened by others. Life is not a competition. Everyone has their own path and purpose. When you find yours and it becomes your focus, you and Beyonce will be in the same room and yes you will recognize her full power but it won’t make you envy her. Real recognize real.

If you find yourself envious it is not the other person’s fault, it is yours. You haven’t found your purpose, or you’ve found it and lost focus. Go back to the drawing board and focus on your purpose.